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“How could I let this happen again?” If you became pregnant again soon after making your adoption plan, you might feel embarrassed about finding yourself in a similar situation or face judgment from family members or friends. Below are some things I hope you’ll remember as you navigate this pregnancy and think about your options.
Unplanned pregnancies happen.
I’ve worked for several years in the family planning field, and you can trust me when I tell you that you are not the first person to have more than one unplanned pregnancy. Many women feel intensely disappointed in themselves, especially if, after terminating the pregnancy or giving birth, they continued to have sex with the same partner without making any changes as far as using birth control or what kind to use.
Certainly, practicing safer sex can significantly decrease your chances of an unplanned pregnancy, and you can use this experience to guide you in making changes in the future. But instead of feeling ashamed or angry at yourself, consider this: in each woman’s lifetime, there are about thirty-five years during which she can become pregnant. Thirty-five years is an awfully long time to expect yourself to be completely perfect! You’re human. Unplanned pregnancy is common. Anyone who looks down their nose at you is being unfair and unrealistic.
Every pregnancy decision is different.
If you made an adoption plan because you were not in a place where you felt like you could provide the life you wanted for your child, then there is a good chance that your circumstances have not completely turned around since then (after all, change takes time). For this reason, some birth moms feel like they have to choose adoption again. First of all, there is no “have to.” This is your choice, just as it was the first time. If you don’t want to make another adoption plan, then forcing yourself to do so is a bad idea.
Second of all, every pregnancy is different, even if the circumstances aren’t. One big difference is that now you know what adoption is like. When you make your choice this time around, you can consider the feelings you had during your placement as you think about what to do. Remembering the intensity and emotional difficulty of the adoption process, you may feel like you simply can’t go through that again, and that’s okay. If you do choose adoption, you have the power to make any changes that you think would have made things easier the first time around. Talk to your adoption counselor about what you want and about any issues that need to be addressed. No two adoptions are the same.
Did you become pregnant again soon after making an adoption plan? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.