The people I work with always amaze me, and I am so glad to share their words on this blog. Keisha wrote to me wanting to share a bit of what is going on with her, and I'm grateful to have heard from her - her words went right to my heart. (And she's so thoughtful and articulate that I hope everyone is as inspired by her as I am.)
I came upon your blog and believe me I was quite hesitant as to whether I was going to write anything about my situation. As you know I am a birthmother and am currrently going through the process of putting my child up for adoption. It is one of the most challenging and hard decisions that I have had to make in my life, and luckily my child's birthfather is helping me with this decision. For the both of us, it has been an up and down rollercoaster, filled with so many emotions. But as much as it hurts, I know that this is going to be the best decision for my child.
When you have children, your job as a parent is to provide for them, do what's best for them, love care and nurture them. But what happens when you know, that even though the baby is here, that you cannot do all the tasks that are needed for the upbringing of your child? As a birthmother, it breaks my heart that at this time, I cannot do everything for my child, and I know that I have to be selfless. This is probably the biggest sacrifice I will ever make in my life, but I know its right. I also know that, God and Time will allow me to see my child again, and that this family will provide love and care and all the things my child needs. I got to spend time holding my child and sending her out with all the love I can and a huge piece of my heart, and I know that that means something. The hardest part of giving your child up is waking up every morning and knowing they arent there and you will spend a big portion of that day worrying and wondering, and knowing that you can only be together in dreams at night. You cling to the pictures that you have and "what if" questions litter your mind. Despite all of this, you know that they are in a good environment and that your child has double the love that many go with out, the love from the birth parents and the adoptive parents.