Birth fathers...this is a tricky subject for me to write about. I feel like fathers get typecast as a hindrance to the adoption process. And they are viewed as not very important to the decisions being made about adoption including picking families, deciding about openness, being part of the hospital experience, etc. It can be as if everyone involved wants fathers to go away and not disrupt the plan the mother is making.
I hate to admit it, but most of my energy does seem to go toward supporting the woman having the baby. Not on purpose. Maybe because the man is not going through the physical changes. Maybe because they tend to ask for help less. Or perhaps because they generally contact me less on their own. But I've definitely seen the hurt of birth fathers who don't seem to quite know where to put the pain or how to deal with it. I've also seen fathers who decide not to go forward with the adoption and feel fully prepared to parent without the mother's help.
It seems to be a hard balance between mothers and fathers in terms of making parenting decisions but especially when these two people are not on the same page about facets of the adoption....and particularly if their relationship is not so positive. Is it fair for the father to have the same say as the mother in this process? What is the fairest way to handle it? I'm not always sure myself.