Doing what's best

I remember the first time I heard someone say "I could never give MY baby up for adoption!".... I felt defensive of all the women  (and men) who have struggled with this decision and I started to get really angry.  Here's how I see it:

Doing an adoption plan is the most unselfish, loving choice a person can make for their child.  When you chose an adoption plan, you knowingly put your emotional, spiritual, and physical self through an almost unbearable ordeal. It is a loss you will feel for the rest of your life, you can heal, but it will always be with you.  You do this because it is your belief that your child will benefit from this decision.  It is bitter-sweet when you get pictures from the adoptive family, your child looks happy, but it hurts that you aren't part of her daily life. You may always feel you made the right decision, but it's a very hard process.  Our responsibility as a parent is to do the best we can to make sure our children are safe, happy and have everything they need.  This is why making an adoption plan can sometimes be the best choice for a family.  When there are insurmountable obstacles preventing you from raising your child, the best parenting decision can be to carefully plan for another family to do so. 

So when someone says,  "I could never give MY baby up for adoption!" I am embarrassed for them.  They just admitted that they would not put their child's needs above their own.  It's frustrating that birth parents feel judged when it's those who stand in judgment that should be taking a long, hard look at themselves.

Comments

[Susan]

The attitude toward birth parents is part of a long line of attitudes about women and what their roles should be: marry or not; have children or not; if yes, breast feed or not. We've come a long way...but we are still constrained about what a woman is supposed to do or feel or be.

[Sarah]

What amazes me is that people EVER feel like they are in a position to judge the choices that other people make. By saying "I could never..." a person acknowledges how difficult the decision is...why then do they assume it isn't difficult or made without thought?

[Tasha]

I agree...just recently I heard someone say that "who ever would give up their own baby for adoption is sick"....but its just the contrary....knowing what you can and cannot provide and making decisions to ensure that the child will better prosper under someone else's care is a thought made by a very sane and well mind.

[Linda]

I thank God every single day for my daughter's birth mother. I know the decision to place her child for adoption could not have been easy for her and must have taken an enormous amount of strength. I only pray that people would educate themselves more before saying such hurtful things. Adoption is a beautiful thing.