Doing what's best
I remember the first time I heard someone say "I could never give MY baby up for adoption!".... I felt defensive of all the women (and men) who have struggled with this decision and I started to get really angry. Here's how I see it:
Doing an adoption plan is the most unselfish, loving choice a person can make for their child. When you chose an adoption plan, you knowingly put your emotional, spiritual, and physical self through an almost unbearable ordeal. It is a loss you will feel for the rest of your life, you can heal, but it will always be with you. You do this because it is your belief that your child will benefit from this decision. It is bitter-sweet when you get pictures from the adoptive family, your child looks happy, but it hurts that you aren't part of her daily life. You may always feel you made the right decision, but it's a very hard process. Our responsibility as a parent is to do the best we can to make sure our children are safe, happy and have everything they need. This is why making an adoption plan can sometimes be the best choice for a family. When there are insurmountable obstacles preventing you from raising your child, the best parenting decision can be to carefully plan for another family to do so.
So when someone says, "I could never give MY baby up for adoption!" I am embarrassed for them. They just admitted that they would not put their child's needs above their own. It's frustrating that birth parents feel judged when it's those who stand in judgment that should be taking a long, hard look at themselves.
